Last week, I was all prepared to spend the day at the library pounding out a few chapters of this book, but didn’t even make it an hour. I drove home hoping to find my husband, Colby, on his lunch break. Surely he could scrape me off the pavement of despair like he’d done so many times. He was finishing up a sandbag workout when I pulled in the driveway and eventually he followed me into the kitchen, panting as he filled a cup with water.
“Why am I writing this book?” I said as I flung myself dramatically onto the table. “There are already so many books out there. I can’t do this.” Poor guy. He was trying to wipe the sweat off his forehead and was blinking hard as some of the droplets had already gotten into his eyes. I probably should have waited until he caught his breath.
He gulped down an entire glass of water and, still panting, said, “Quit trying to be someone you’re not. You’re not a technical writer; you’re an explorer.”
It was the conversation that I had come home for.
As the next half hour went by and Colby’s heart rate lowered, he encouraged me to keep going. To explore this topic like a journalist and to ask hard questions. To rattle the boxes that people have created through their upbringing and experiences. To contrast our theological positions with real life experiences. I told him I didn’t want to rattle things and make anyone uncomfortable; he called me a people pleaser and told me to press on (love that guy). I don’t like to rock the boat, but I also can’t shake this topic that has been on a low simmer in my heart for a near decade.
There have just been too many people in my life who have been affected by this. There’s been too much cancer that has eaten–not only bodies–but faith in our good God. There’s been too much unclear thinking that has created far too many casualties. God has brought stories to me that I think are worth documenting. I think they’re worth reading so that we can stand in greater awe of our God who doesn’t always like a box.
So, will you join me? Sure, it’s a minefield, but there’s so much to explore. I believe much is at stake.
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