Anyone out there?

I haven’t blogged in three years which is a new record. Today I’m sitting down to understand why. What in the world happened?

1. In May of 2018, I went to writers conference ready to learn about marketing and lean in to my “writing career.” Through series of strange events, at that very writer’s conference I sensed God telling me to not worry about doing that. He would use me like I so desired, but, I didn’t need to market myself and my writing. I got home from that trip and it was Darcy’s birthday. Colby took her out to breakfast and then asked what she wanted for her birthday (so he could take her shopping afterwards). Darcy gave it some thought and then asked if, for her birthday gift, she could be homeschooled. Colby quickly responded, “That’s not gonna happen. Your mom doesn’t want to homeschool. She just got to a point where you can all go to school and she has other ambitions.” Darcy said okay and I think they went shopping. When Colby told me about the conversation, I felt like it was really God directing my steps. I started homeschooling Darcy and Haley the next fall and that took my focus for the next two years. Then COVID hit. Overnight, I was homeschooling four kids to include elementary age which is pretty all-consuming.
2. I’m a hot mess.
3. I haven’t felt like I have much to offer when I’m just trying to stay afloat myself.
4. I’ve had a lot of soul searching to do, and didn’t want an online audience as I’ve worked through things recently. Writing is vulnerable. Being married and in ministry can be complicated. What is appropriate and what is inappropriate to share?
5. I’ve been leaning in to local relationships. The people in my family. The women in my church. Neighbors. I don’t want to miss the opportunities right in front of my face to be used by God. Perhaps He can use me online as well (He can use whatever He wants, right?), but I’ve needed to cultivate more face-to-face relationships.
6. I’m not sure if anyone reads blogs any more. If the point of my life is to glorify God by making more and better disciples, I’m constantly questioning whether or not this is the most effective way to do so.
7. I told myself I’m better at writing books, but it turns out I’m not disciplined with that either.
8. I’m technologically incompetent (For instance, I didn’t want this paragraph to say number 8). Anyway, today finds me in a quiet coffee shop while my husband and I work remotely. I’m reminded that God wants to use whatever abilities He’s given us for His purposes. I’m humbled that He wants to involve us in His work even though He can do just fine without us. And lastly, I’m very aware that me not opening up my life through the means of writing can be a matter of pride (pride is so sneaky, isn’t it?).
9. (Seriously? I just wanted to create a new paragraph!!) I’ve been a journal-er since I could write. I process my life best through writing. I can’t tell you how many times I haven’t known what I’m thinking or feeling until I find a writing utensil and an old bulletin (or bandaid wrapper when I’ve been really desperate). The written word helps me organize my thoughts, and while a personal journal will always be a part of my life, maybe there are things that I could share that could benefit others as well.
10. So, why update this blog? *If nothing else, I want to remind us what’s most important in life (we all forget so quickly, don’t we?). *I want to pass along helpful tools that I’ve been given. *I want to point you to the One who says He’ll never leave you or forsake you. I’m THE most inconsistent blogger/writer I’ve ever met. But, I will attempt to pop my head out into this world occasionally and see what God does with it. He never ceases to amaze me.
11. That is all. Have a great day.