Has anyone else out there ever had trouble admitting they were wrong? What is it about these three little words?
Recently I’ve come to realize how bad I am at apologizing in our marriage. I’m sure Colby has been trying to get me to see this about myself since early in marriage, but I’ve probably not been listening (a whole other issue that I struggle with!).
The first time I really saw it, I was opening up to my best friend about a marital problem. “What, do you think you’re perfect?” she asked bluntly. “Umm….nooooo…” I stammered, but immediately felt convicted because that’s how I was living. I was so caught up with what I thought he was doing wrong that I didn’t put any attention on what I had done wrong. And even if I did, it was near impossible for me to admit it.
Hundreds of people have written hundreds of more than I can possibly write about this subject. It’s so basic, so elementary, but I wonder if–despite this– we need this reminder? Sure, it’s easier to kick and scream because we feel OUR rights have been violated…but do we ever consider that maybe we did some kicking and screaming too and admit, “…that was wrong. I’m really sorry.”
Our hearts can be so deceitful. We don’t want to believe that we’re THAT sinful. We’d rather have a more optimistic view of ourselves. Atleast this has been a huge struggle for me.
Last month I bought the book, “The Five Love Languages of Apology” by Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas. It’s been pretty insightful. All of us look for certain elements in an apology, so the authors outline five to make sure we include:
- Expressing Regret: “I am sorry.”
- Accepting Responsibility: “I was wrong.”
- Making Restitution: “What can I do to make it right?”
- Genuinely Repenting: “I’ll try not to do that again.”
- Requesting Forgiveness: “Will you please forgive me?”
Leaving one of these languages of apology out might make your apology inadequate or not sincere to the person you offended.
If apologizing has been tough for you, today’s a good day to start working on it. Also, great insights about repentance in The Peacemaker by Ken Sande and Gospel Centered Life by Robert Thune and Will Walker.
And, if there’s a broken relationship in your life, why not take some steps toward reconciliation with these three little words? What? You don’t need to say them? You mean to tell me you’re perfect? 🙂 Even if the other person’s offenses appear greater (and they may or may not be), you can SURELY find some way that you’ve failed to love THEM in the process perfectly. Take some time to read I Cor. 13 and ask God to show you your part.
