Hushed

New Year’s Eve 2011

I’m sitting alone in an empty house with a severe cold while every other person on the planet is ushering in 2012.  The neighbor’s sub-woofer is shaking the house and for a moment I think it is fireworks.  I try to compete with the noise by turning up my Fernando Ortega station on Pandora, but it only adds an antagonistic bass line.

It’s probably a good thing that I didn’t go anywhere tonight.

Forced to be still. 

I don’t know why it’s so hard to do when I always find such satisfaction after drinking it in.  Stillness, that is.  Not just empty stillness, but one that is filled with prayer and reflection and preferably legato piano music.

Looking forward into the eyes of a new year and what I want to accomplish, it strikes me. 

Maybe that’s just my problem.

Being so focused on goals, on accomplishments, on excelling in every domain of my person-hood, on achieving things that make my existence more justifiable…

What if my goal this year was simply to learn to serve my husband and girls with humility and  joy?  Would I get to the end of 2012 and look back with regret?  Disdain for time wasted?

What else is there to accomplish, really?

Didn’t Solomon already explore this whole “chasing the wind” idea and come up with the conclusion of the whole matter?  “Fear God and keep His commandments, for this is the whole duty of man.  For God will bring every deed into judgment, with every secret thing, whether good or evil.”  Ecclesiastes 12:13-14

The radio downstairs shifts from Chris Rice to a quiet song that immediately puts a knot in my throat.  The neighbors turn down their stereo, hushed, as though they know.

It’s our wedding song.  I can see the bridesmaids walking down the aisle in their yellow gowns and I stop where I am so I can pray the words on my knees.

God, You keep us without failing
As You watch us from above
In our comings and our goings
Sheltered by Your precious love
In the pouring rain of mercy
Comes the grace by which we’re saved
For the glory of Your Name
For the glory of Your Name

You have touched our lives forever
Can we be the same again?
May our hearts be ever faithful
Ever faithful as a friend
Let us live that we may serve You
Overflowing with Your praise
For the glory of Your name
For the glory of Your name

We behold the Man of Sorrows
Hanging there upon a cross
Where we wounded One so holy
Yet these wounds are life to us
For the blood You shed was perfect
And You finished work we made
For the glory of Your name
For the glory of Your name

Ten years later, and it’s still the theme of our marriage, our lives, our home.

The door just opened downstairs and three whiny, tired girls just barged into the moment with tears, full-nearly-overflowing-bladders, and complaints of thirst and sore throats.  My seven-year-old is at my side, tears streaming from her red eyes, asking for water that is cold.  REALLY COLD.

And so it begins.

I think I better go.

Happy New Year.