Life has never felt so uncertain. Our home back in Virginia is significantly damaged, and we no longer have renters. We can’t begin to advertise for new renters until things get fixed, and we don’t know how long that will take. In addition to that uncertainty, we still haven’t figured out what to do with our car and don’t know what the wisest thing is to do. On top of it all, the decision about the VISA has been made, but they are not telling us what it is until it is officially documented. I wonder what this week will bring. I told Colby last week that I was tired of clutching tightly to the side of the roller-coaster with white knuckles. I am ready to put my hands up and just enjoy the ride. Colby’s response to my analogy: “I’m puking over the side of the roller-coaster car.”
Yet in the midst of this turbulence, God has been so good. The argument, “God can’t be real because there is so much pain in this world,” doesn’t resonate with me–because it is in those times of pain and helplessness that God can draw us so close and make Himself so real. These past nine months since Colby resigned from his secure position at Stafford Baptist have been some of the most intimate times with both my God and my family. We are all learning to lean so heavily on Him. In the midst of comfort, it is easy to forget the reality that we are all desperately in need of God, and I am thankful for the trials He has brought our way to demolish that illusion.
A few days ago, I overheard a conversation that Colby was having with Haley during her snack time. “When I am old and gray, there’s only one thing I want you to remember about me: that God is so good and has such good news for the world that it was more important to share that message than live a comfortable, easy life.” The next day Haley told us at breakfast that she had thought a lot about those words as she was falling asleep. I still struggle to trust God with our future, with His plans for us, and making my own comfort an idol, but I pray that our lives will be a testimony to God’s sufficiency.